It is just under 7 months until my wedding day. Plans are heavily underway, my dress is
picked out, and all of our attendants are going to pick theirs out in just two
weeks. The problem is that I still
cannot get over the fact that my friend that I considered to be my “person”,
will not be involved in any of it. Don’t
get me wrong, I am thankful for all 5 of my ladies that will be standing up
with me. But, it breaks my heart that
Kris will not be there with me.
I know, without a doubt that it was the right decision for
me to take back the offer for her to be in the wedding. I at no time, would be comfortable with
making her choose between me and her religious views, though, I wish that I had
a bit of a clue of those feelings before I put myself out there and asked.
Due to me being a pretty opinionated person, I have about
100 points that I could give to show her how my marriage is not wrong, but in
the end, that would not be fair. I do
not want to convince someone that I should be allowed to be married, and within
a few years, hopefully we will look back and wonder why same sex marriage was
ever banned to begin with.
Due to the reaction of her, my outlook on being honest about
my true self has changed. There are
times that I now wonder if I should come out at work, or if someone asks me if
I am single, I hesitate on to be honest or not.
It is one thing when a person on the street is spewing hate, it is
another when someone that you love says that you are not worthy of something
that is standard in the straight world.
The planning will continue, and the wedding will be perfect,
but it will not change that there is a whole left in my heart by Kris telling
me that she does not believe in my marriage…in honesty, I hope that she comes
to the wedding, if she chooses not to, I am not sure that there is any going
back on that.
206 days until I will be joined forever to BJB!
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